“Withdrawal from Computer Science Program”
The title of the email I sent to the NUS admission office, which is the most regretted decision I have ever made to date. I still remember that day; it took me 15 minutes before pressing the “Send” button, trying to persuade and convince myself this was the right decision to make that I wouldn’t regret after pressing that button, and it was what I was longing for the next chapter of my life. The reason I used to prompt myself into making this decision is experiencing different cultures by placing myself into a distinct environment, since Singapore and Malaysia are much of a muchness in languages, cultures, weather, etc. Moreover, China contained the COVID-19 outbreak very well, so it was safer to study there.
Currently, this statement still holds, except for the part of “studying there.”
Saying goodbye is always one of the hardest things to do in life. But, worst comes to worst, bidding goodbye without actually meeting each other in real life as a story ends without having a proper introduction. So, I find it very weird to say, “See You Again.”, providing we have not met in person. Everyone has their path. Someday our paths will coincide, and of course, eventually, our courses will diverge one day. Having to bid farewell when we only see each other from far before our paths converge into one, the feeling of despair overwhelms me at some points. It is aching and tearing me apart without saying “Again” while bidding farewell, without knowing when I will be able to say “Again.”
Some stories start and never end, but some end before they start.
Anyway, departure is inevitable, just like someone arriving in your life. People coming and leaving will always be a norm in life. It is our destiny. It does not matter the amount of time that goodbye may last, but just the thought of leaving causes misery to be even more evident. Then all the regrets and sorrows pitch in, all the times that something could have been done or could have happened. Later comes all the guilts and apologies. All the unfulfilled promises and not-happening gatherings will haunt me later on. Finally, my utmost gratitude and appreciation extend to whoever lent me their hand and heart throughout my journey here. Saying goodbye never gets easier; no matter how many times we have experienced it, it still hurts and is filled with regrets, but we have to move on no matter what happens.
Five hundred and twelve days. Thank you, sorry, and so long.
